Why I Love Bob Healey

Bob Healey is running for Lt. Governor for the State of Rhode Island. He's running on the platform that the office is useless, and a waste of a million dollars a year in taxpayer money.

Here's some statements of his that illustrate how great this man is.



HEALEY INVITES ROBERTS AND CENTRACCIO TO A THREE WAY

After rethinking his earlier reluctance to debate, Healey has decided to invite the other candidates to participate in a three way. "If they are ready to go at each other now, what difference does it make if I am there? Hey, I don't just want to watch them having all the fun. It would be far more interesting if I participate" said Healey.

Healey had considered not participating in public affairs because of the apathy for the race, but has determined that since they would be taking on each other, why not join in?

"Things are always different in a three way. I had one before with Myrth York and Lincoln Almond. If that wasn't strange, what is? Sure, I felt a bit uncomfortable, you know, being there when it was obvious that they really wanted to go at each other without me, but, after a few minutes, everyone just let it go and got into it".

"The more the merrier I always say. It may not be everyone's election fantasy, but why not? You only go this way once every four years. One on one races may the norm, but, we're all grown ups here, why not try something a bit different?".

"It's not easy, you know, having to pay attention to two people to make sure that they are getting the requisite attention. And then there is the issue of that awkwardness that occurs after it's over and the camera is shut off".

"I think a three way will produce a lasting visual image that people can take with them to the voting booth. Quite frankly, I am quite excited about it and look forward to the mix. I really haven't been with either of them before in a meaningful way" said Healey.

"A good three way debate is just what Rhode Island needs" he concluded. "I hope they will join me".

Hahaha. There's more...Here's his press announcement for running:

HEALEY ANNOUNCES FOR LT. GOVERNOR OF RHODE ISLAND

Sitting on a sandy beach in Punta del Este, Uruguay, Robert J. Healey, Jr. announced that he will make a second run for Lieutenant Governor of the State of Rhode Island.

"Today, I announce my less than ambitious plan for running for the office of Lieutenant Governor. I have chosen this location because I think that it demonstrates that no matter where you are in the world, and no matter what you are doing, you can also be serving as Rhode Island's Lieutenant Governor at the same time.

"Waiting for the demise of the Governor can be accomplished just about anywhere, any time, and by just about anyone with a pulse. I probably would do it here on the beach.

"I have no plans for the office of Lt. Governor, and, in fact, will not maintain a staff nor take a pay for my service. I could not justify such a boondoggle being hoisted upon the hard working taxpayers of Rhode Island. If I wish to advance my political career, I will do it without using a taxpayer subsidized soapbox.

"Quite frankly, I find the idea of being the Lt. Governor repugnant. I wish to get elected to abolish the office or the serve as the impetus for changing its constitutional role.

"I don't want the money and I really don't need a job. Rhode Island doesn't need this job but really does need the money. If only the people of Rhode Island could get out of their narrow minded political shell and vote outside the party line, they could actually save a million dollars a year and make constructive changes in Rhode Island. But no, can't upset the donkey. No, can't get the elephant mad.

"I have decided that I have tried the route of reason with the people of Rhode Island in past elections only to make minimal inroads with limited success. Today, I announce that I will run a campaign based on the absurd. If I must, I will gallantly fight absurdity with absurdity.

"This campaign will not take itself seriously. It can't. The office doesn't deserve it. It will be treated with the requisite level of disrespect the office deserves.

"In the past, during prior statewide campaigns, I have written extensive platform documents. I have presented my credentials of being a former educator and active attorney and businessman. I have spoken and written on education, health care, and economic development. I have maintained a solid, unwavering platform that has not changed in twenty years. The song remains the same. Read today, the platform still serves as a viable political plan for Rhode Island government. If ever the need arose to govern, I stand capable of honorably serving the people of Rhode Island. Until then, when serving as a Lt. Governor, one surely cannot take one's self seriously.

"I honestly believe that the people know that I am fully capable of governing, should the need ever arise. In the meantime, I am offering them a rare opportunity to hire me as their no-cost Lt. Governor.

"I hear arguments that having a Lt. Governor is important, but for the life of me, I can't understand how if the only constitutional role is the wait for the death or incapacity of the Governor. Historically, the Governor and the Lt. Governor aren't from the same party. How does that promote continuation of policy? Put briefly, all this talk about the role for Number 2 is just talk about Number 2.

"I have tried in the past to reason away the office. This campaign I will try to abolish it through ridicule. Now, get out of the way so I can get some sun.".

Vote Healey '06.

Originally posted Thursday, October 19, 2006 at 7:10pm