Death by Overworry

I am the kind of person that lies awake all night worrying about things. Things in my control, things outside of my control. What if I had done this one thing differently 10 years ago, how would my life be better or worse than it is today?

I worry about money. I worry about relationships. I can't stand the thought of those I care about be angry with me. I feel the need to make everything within my sphere of influence right. And if not right, at least placated. My persona thrives on conflict, but truthfully I can't take it when it involves me personally.

Did I have one to many drinks (or whatever), and knocked a screw loose and be forever "not quite right"? Did the doctors permanently fry my brain with Ritalin when I was younger?

I can't stand the feeling where everything looks "like a copy of a copy of a copy" or like I'm watching life go past me at fast forward through a rusty screen door, occasionally slamming in the wind.

Did I blow the opportunities I've been given? Did I sell myself out for money, giving up a career that I had my mind set on since I was 10 years old? Did I forever blow my opportunity to do it again?

I can't get out of my own way sometimes. I wish the last year had never happened. I let a lot of people down. I let myself down. People said I couldn't hack it, and it galls me that, without knowing the full story, that they think I've proved them correct.

I can't stand that I get this manic. Who's going to change it though?, who's going to take responsibilty if not me? It has to be me. It's got to end. I'm making it end. It's time to grow the fuck up.

Rave On...

I listen to so much music, and to so many different artists, that it's rare when something reaches out and grabs me, picks me up, and throws me across the room. And it's embarassing when it's something that's been on my radar for almost my entire life, and taken me this long to actually listen to it.

Two weeks ago, I picked up Peter Gabriel's 1st 4 albums. Everyone knows Peter Gabriel, for his hits Solisbury Hill, In Your Eyes, Sledgehammer, etc. He's also known for his work in the early Genesis before Phil Collins took over as lead singer. I can credit my friend CJ and his dad for keeping Gabriel on my radar for so long, but I never took the bait until recently.


Last winter, CJ got his dad a copy of the DVD from Peter Gabriel's latest tour. I was over at the house when he decided to throw it on the mega widescreen high end HDTV. I was captivated by the simpleness of the first tune, a solo piano runthrough of "Here Comes the Flood" and the new wave-ey electronic pulse of "Darkness" from his latest CD, Up. Still, I didn't make any movements towards aquiring any of this music myself for several months.

I did pick up the DVD sometime this spring, I can't remember exactly when, but was totally blown away by the visuals and the 5.1 soundtrack. I aquired the greast hits album with the simple version of Here Comes The Flood and also Up. Then, two weeks ago, picked up the rest.

Wow. I got through the first 2 albums this afternoon before work, and was simply blown away by the range and quality of material on the first album. From the frolicking rediculousness of "Moribund the Burgermiester" to the stately "Solisbury Hill" to the just plaid wierd "Excuse Me", I was capitvated, just floored. By the time the grandiose album closing version of "Here Comes The Flood" washed over me, I needed to hear the damn thing again, so on the way to work, I listened again in the car, eschewing my usual diet of talk radio and Sirius.

I suppose there's something to be said for music that grabs you like this. It's one of the things that just makes you so happy to be alive; the discovery, the absorption, the digestion.

I don't know what the hell I would do without music, and I'm thrilled and excited I can still find new things that get me as excited as I was the first time i heard "Twist and Shout" on my parent's turntable more than 25 years ago. Now grab your things, I've come to take you home.

Classic RI Politics.

What can be said about this? From the "I hate corruption" candidate no less. OK, I'm a hypocrite, because I personally adore Buddy Cianci, because he actually got things done around here. It's just funny that Sheldon rails against all this "corruption" and Linc Chafee goes diggin' and proves him disingenuous. (For those unaware, this picture shows US Senate candidate Sheldon Whitehouse with former Providence mayor Vincent A. "Buddy" Cianci.)

The Flag and the Cap

I'm not really going to make a big Paul Harvey-esque (rest of the) story about this, but I wanted to mention it, anyway, because it means more to me than perhaps anything has in years.

Today, my mother gave me the flag from my grandfather's casket and his favorite cap. We lost him earlier this summer, and he was a great man. He was a simple man, but one of the greatest influences of my life, second only to my own father. He came from an era when men were men, knew what they had to do, and did it. Simple as that. He did it. Didn't complain. Raised his family, provided for them, and loved them. He wasn't overly affectionate, but to be around him, as a grandchild, was to feel important, to feel fulfilled, to feel loved.

He had a simple grace that any words I put here can conjure. They don't make men like him anymore. There is no greater honor that I could have bestowed upon me than to be given this flag and his cap. The cap I always saw him in, when we used to take walks around the old neighborhood, which is one of the greatest memories of my childhood. I will cherish both of them for the rest of my life. Hopefully they'll help me keep his memory alive and remind me constantly how to be a real man.

Originally posted Monday, October 23, 2006 at 1:23am

Why I Love Bob Healey

Bob Healey is running for Lt. Governor for the State of Rhode Island. He's running on the platform that the office is useless, and a waste of a million dollars a year in taxpayer money.

Here's some statements of his that illustrate how great this man is.



HEALEY INVITES ROBERTS AND CENTRACCIO TO A THREE WAY

After rethinking his earlier reluctance to debate, Healey has decided to invite the other candidates to participate in a three way. "If they are ready to go at each other now, what difference does it make if I am there? Hey, I don't just want to watch them having all the fun. It would be far more interesting if I participate" said Healey.

Healey had considered not participating in public affairs because of the apathy for the race, but has determined that since they would be taking on each other, why not join in?

"Things are always different in a three way. I had one before with Myrth York and Lincoln Almond. If that wasn't strange, what is? Sure, I felt a bit uncomfortable, you know, being there when it was obvious that they really wanted to go at each other without me, but, after a few minutes, everyone just let it go and got into it".

"The more the merrier I always say. It may not be everyone's election fantasy, but why not? You only go this way once every four years. One on one races may the norm, but, we're all grown ups here, why not try something a bit different?".

"It's not easy, you know, having to pay attention to two people to make sure that they are getting the requisite attention. And then there is the issue of that awkwardness that occurs after it's over and the camera is shut off".

"I think a three way will produce a lasting visual image that people can take with them to the voting booth. Quite frankly, I am quite excited about it and look forward to the mix. I really haven't been with either of them before in a meaningful way" said Healey.

"A good three way debate is just what Rhode Island needs" he concluded. "I hope they will join me".

Hahaha. There's more...Here's his press announcement for running:

HEALEY ANNOUNCES FOR LT. GOVERNOR OF RHODE ISLAND

Sitting on a sandy beach in Punta del Este, Uruguay, Robert J. Healey, Jr. announced that he will make a second run for Lieutenant Governor of the State of Rhode Island.

"Today, I announce my less than ambitious plan for running for the office of Lieutenant Governor. I have chosen this location because I think that it demonstrates that no matter where you are in the world, and no matter what you are doing, you can also be serving as Rhode Island's Lieutenant Governor at the same time.

"Waiting for the demise of the Governor can be accomplished just about anywhere, any time, and by just about anyone with a pulse. I probably would do it here on the beach.

"I have no plans for the office of Lt. Governor, and, in fact, will not maintain a staff nor take a pay for my service. I could not justify such a boondoggle being hoisted upon the hard working taxpayers of Rhode Island. If I wish to advance my political career, I will do it without using a taxpayer subsidized soapbox.

"Quite frankly, I find the idea of being the Lt. Governor repugnant. I wish to get elected to abolish the office or the serve as the impetus for changing its constitutional role.

"I don't want the money and I really don't need a job. Rhode Island doesn't need this job but really does need the money. If only the people of Rhode Island could get out of their narrow minded political shell and vote outside the party line, they could actually save a million dollars a year and make constructive changes in Rhode Island. But no, can't upset the donkey. No, can't get the elephant mad.

"I have decided that I have tried the route of reason with the people of Rhode Island in past elections only to make minimal inroads with limited success. Today, I announce that I will run a campaign based on the absurd. If I must, I will gallantly fight absurdity with absurdity.

"This campaign will not take itself seriously. It can't. The office doesn't deserve it. It will be treated with the requisite level of disrespect the office deserves.

"In the past, during prior statewide campaigns, I have written extensive platform documents. I have presented my credentials of being a former educator and active attorney and businessman. I have spoken and written on education, health care, and economic development. I have maintained a solid, unwavering platform that has not changed in twenty years. The song remains the same. Read today, the platform still serves as a viable political plan for Rhode Island government. If ever the need arose to govern, I stand capable of honorably serving the people of Rhode Island. Until then, when serving as a Lt. Governor, one surely cannot take one's self seriously.

"I honestly believe that the people know that I am fully capable of governing, should the need ever arise. In the meantime, I am offering them a rare opportunity to hire me as their no-cost Lt. Governor.

"I hear arguments that having a Lt. Governor is important, but for the life of me, I can't understand how if the only constitutional role is the wait for the death or incapacity of the Governor. Historically, the Governor and the Lt. Governor aren't from the same party. How does that promote continuation of policy? Put briefly, all this talk about the role for Number 2 is just talk about Number 2.

"I have tried in the past to reason away the office. This campaign I will try to abolish it through ridicule. Now, get out of the way so I can get some sun.".

Vote Healey '06.

Originally posted Thursday, October 19, 2006 at 7:10pm

3AM Wednesday Morning Coughing Blues

So I've got my "seasonal cough" back. It was pretty cool this summer without it, but like clockwork, the weather changes, I sound like a cancer-infested 84 year old man...I'd do something about it, but with no health insurance until next month, we'll lie here and annoy ourselves and others and have a groovy ol' time.

Got the iTunes on random, and Bob Dylan came up with the live version of "Idiot Wind" from Hard Rain. I can't imagine there's anyone out there who can verbalize feelings like Dylan can. Check this out:

I can't feel you anymore, I can't even touch the books you've read
Every time I crawl past your door, I been wishin' I was somebody else instead.
Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstasy,
I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory
And all your ragin' glory.

I been double-crossed now for the very last time and now I'm finally free,
I kissed goodbye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
You'll never know the hurt I suffered nor the pain I rise above,
And I'll never know the same about you, your holiness or your kind of love,
And it makes me feel so sorry.

Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats,
Blowing through the letters that we wrote.
Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,
We're idiots, babe.
It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.

You can apply that to me as you wish. I'm sure I'm not special, surely anyone can probably apply that to someone in their lives. Just remember, the sun isn't yellow, it's chicken. (Bob Dylan said that too...I'm not on acid right now.)

That's all for now. Time for NyQuil + sleep.

Originally posted Wednesday, October 18, 2006 at 2:56am

Sick Myspace fuckers.

Upon hearing today about that dude down in Exeter picking up 13-16 year old girls off myspace and smoking weed and doing god knows what else, I'm rethinking even having a myspace page. Out of morbid curiosity, I checked this dude's page out. He's a pretty sick fuck. 48 years old and all about the 13-17 year olds who, somehow in their short lives, have morphed into soulless dirty little pig whores.

I feel old saying it, but things were not like this "back in the day." I've really never seen anything like it. I can't believe anyone (let alone a 13 year old little girl) could put themselves out there like this on display as a total waste of human tissue, displaying themselves like so many pieces of meat in a butchers shop. (Some will undoubtably end up like the aforementioned meat, chewed up and swallowed by some sick fuck.)

Now, I suppose it would be somewhat hypocritical to condemn these folks, after all I have a myspace page obviously. I do have some standards and decorum, though. I've legitmately only got people I'm actually friends with up here, they're all over 18 (all over 23 actually), and no one is all whored out. I should probably wipe the whole goddamn thing clean and just start a blogspot account or something.

What can be said? I can't disagree when my friend Dan Yorke goes on the air and casts mass dispersions upon myspace. Look around! It's like scenes straight out of Sodom. As close to the razor's edge to child pornography as you can get!

We're obviously not all here as pedophiles and perverts. Myspace is a great way to network as a musician, comedian, etc. Or to check out new music. It's also a great way to catch up with old friends. But much like real life, there's a seedy white underbelly to it all. This guy's myspace page is like the Allens Ave. of myspace (Thanks David and Gordon!).

I guess this is what getting old feels like.

Originally Posted Thursday, October 12, 2006 at 7:59pm

Gotta Walk...

A wise man once spoke....

Worked in bars and sideshows along the twilight zone
Only a crowd can make you feel so alone
And it really hit home
Booze and pills and powders, you can choose your medicine
Well it's another goodbye to another good friend

After all is said and done
Gotta move while it's still fun
Let me walk before they make me run
After all is said and done
I gotta move, it's still fun
I'm gonna walk before they make me run

Watched the taillights fading, there ain't a dry eye in the house
They're laughing and singing
Started dancing and drinking as I left town
Gonna find my way to heaven, `cause I did my time in hell
I wasn't looking too good but I was feeling real well

After all is said and done
I gotta move I had my fun
Let us walk before they make me run

After all is said and done
I did alright, I had my fun
I will walk before they make me run Take it as you will.....

Funeral Songs (or: "I won't forget to put roses on your grave..."

While trolling the internet this evening I came across an article on RollingStone.com which revealed that some British poll had come out in which people named what song(s) they would want played at thier funeral. Some rediculous James Blunt song was the most popular (and I thought the British were supposed to have good taste in music...).

The article mentions the scene in the fabulous John Cusack movie "High Fidelity" where he rattles off his own list of songs he'd like played ("I've always had this fantasy that some beautiful, tearful woman would insist on 'You're the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me' by Gladys Knight.")

Got me to thinking what I'd want. Being that I've always had a soft spot for "down" songs, I figure it would be a hell of a long service if they got all of these in. So, here goes. (If I happen to die in some freakish accident in the coming days, make sure my next of kin gets this.)

Danny Boy (either the Johnny Cash or Shane MacGowan version)
Let it Be (The Beatles- album version not the single mix)
Time Waits For No One (The Rolling Stones)
Time (Tom Waits)
If I Should Fall From Grace with God (The Pogues)
Standing On The Moon (The Grateful Dead)
So Many Roads (The Grateful Dead)
Black Muddy River (The Grateful Dead)
Songbird (Fleetwood Mac)
Long Black Limousine (Elvis Presley)
'Til I Die (The Beach Boys)
We'll Meet Again (Johnny Cash)
Last Goodbye (Jeff Buckley)
My Way (Sid Vicious)
What A Wonderful World (Nick Cave & Shane MacGowan)
Angel Of Death (Hank Williams)
Down In The Ground Where The Dead Men Go (The Pogues)
Moonlight Mile (The Rolling Stones)
You Can't Always Get What You Want (The Rolling Stones)
Blue Turns To Grey (The Rolling Stones)
One For The Road (Frank Sinatra)
Slipping Away (The Rolling Stones)
Dead Flowers (The Rolling Stones)

I'm sure I'm missing a few. Any suggestions?

Rolling Stones 9/20/06

WARNING/BE ADVISED: I will come off as very fanboyesque any time i write about the Rolling Stones. It's not meant to be objective.

The Rolling Stones kicked off the Fall 2006 leg of their "Bigger Bang" world tour on Wednesday night, September 20, at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, MA.This would be my 17th Stones show, so I was walking in, knowing what to expect for the most part, and not too terribly excited, as the show was in the cavernous Gillette Stadium as opposed to the more cozy confines of the BankNorth Garden in Boston, the site of most of the shows I've seen in the past. Also, being in the stadium setting, I figured the band would keep the setlist fairly conservative to placate the larger crowd.Kanye West was a daring but uninspiring opening act, and was ignored by the majority of the crowd. I did recognize his radio hits Gold Digger and Diamonds of Sierra Leone, but he failed to capture the crowd's attention.


The lights went down and the video employed for the last year or so of shows began rolling on the huge screen. After the requisite burst of fireworks, Keith Richards appeared out of the darkness in full length black trenchcoat and played the opening riff of "Paint it Black", the first big surprise of the night, as the band has never previously opened a show with this tune. Charlie Watts fell in to the groove immediately providing the rock steady backbeat as Mick Jagger came bounding from the darkness spitting out the lyrics like a man half (maybe a third?) of his age. Ron Wood employed the sitar-guitar last seen on the LICKS tour of 2003 to add a touch of eastern mysticism to the proceedings.Paint it Black received a roar of approval from the crowd, and the band launched right into "Live with Me" from 1969's Let it Bleed album. Darryl Jones fired off the bass licks with Keith and Ronnie providing the stabbing guitar interjections while Jagger continued prowling the stage.



The next surprise of the night was this tour's debut of "Monkey Man" from the same album. This was a solid groove accentuated once again by riff-meister Keef's guitar work and Ron's slide solo.The much talked about "Sway" was up next, featuring Mick Jagger front and center on rhythm guitar. It was a solid performance, but it lacked the greasy grime of the studio version."Sweet Virginia" followed and was one of the true highlights of the night, featuring Jagger on harp and acoustic guitar. A crowd pleasing sing along. "Got to scrape the shit right off your shoes", indeed.

The first new song of the night followed, "Streets of Love". This song is improved considerably live from the lacklustre version on "A Bigger Bang". Towards the end, Jagger's vocal performance is reminicent of his work on the last tour's "That's How Strong My Love Is." If a live album is made of this tour, I hope a version of this song is included.

Up next was the cover chestnut from 1974's It's Only Rock and Roll. "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" The horns cooked, and the guitars were down and dirty. The way life should be.

After the tune ended, the band begins riffing and the familiar "warm up" to Midnight Rambler begins to take shape. This is a highlight of most shows, and this would prove to be no exception. Few feelings of pure joy and ecstacy can compare to Keith Richards firing off the opening riff to this song. The tune was stretched way beyond the ten minute mark, and the crowd lapped up the raw blues that oozed from the stage. The high point of the night, and the song no Rolling Stones show should ever be without.

Tumbling Dice followed in a swagger, sounding great as always. I could listen to them riff on the outro to this song for hours and not get bored with it.The band is introduced next, and the love and adoration builds to a fever pitch as Mick Jagger introduces Keith Richards to perform his 2 song set. "Been a tough year..." was about all I could make out from Keith's comments. He then performed "You Got The Silver", for the first time ever without his own guitar parts. The duties fell to Ron Wood and percussionist/vocalist/guitarist Blondie Chaplin. Keith as crooner. It worked.


Up next was a personal highlight, the first performance of "Little T & A" since the Tattoo You tour of 1981-82. I felt the horn section wasn't really needed, but it was great to finally hear live one of my all time favorite Keith Richards vocals. Raunch 'n' Roll.

"Under My Thumb" followed in the slot usually reserved for Miss You, as a piece of the stage breaks away and the band rolls down to the middle of the floor for a mini set. It was a welcome change from the worn out "Miss You", and had a cool, 60's groove.

Out on the small stage, Rough Justice and Jumpin Jack Flash followed in stripped down, nasty rock n roll versions. This is what I love about the Stones and rock in general.

Back to the main stage with Honky Tonk Woman, a good but average performance of this warhorse.Sympathy for the Devil follows with its programmed drums. Visually this song is always a highlight with flames shooting high into the crisp autumn night. I wish they'd freshen up the arrangement somewhat, lose the drum loops, and for christ's sake Keith, play something worthy of the original solo!!

Start Me Up followed. It was a crowd pleaser. What can I say?Satisfaction followed in a slightly new arrangement, a bit chunkier and gritty, sounded great to my ears.Brown Sugar encore. Crowd loving it. Fireworks, confetti. Keith has trouble with the opening lick to this EVERY TIME i've seen them play.

All in all a great performance that far exceeded my expectations. The new, daring set list changes were welcome, and I'm very excited for the next show on my list, at the Oakland Coliseum in November.

Highlights: Midnight Rambler, Sweet Virginia, unexpected opener Paint It Black, LITTLE T&A!

Lowlights: Jukebox mode ending of the show, only 19 songs!